stress

I think overall stressors were my over active imagination, maybe I really need to get a hold on myself. Although I know it was negative stress, and it really did feel real at the time. I look back now and laugh; I think that my overall stress is really a way for my body to deal with real stress: that math homework does not seem so bad compared to the thought of dieing.

Maybe I don’t have enough stress in my life in the first place; maybe I would not be able to get out of bed in the morning if I could not imagine something magical happening. Maybe there’s nothing left inside me to keep me going, maybe it’s not enough, and maybe life is just more fun this way. It is these questioning times in one life that we must truly put yourself into the hands of god. You could ague that if there’s a divine purpose for everything then nothing we don’t or could possibly do here on earth could ever matter, but if it is all not true then noting matters, and I could never live that way.

I may not be sane but at least I’m consistent, pretty much all the stress sessions for each day take place in the morning and as with all things in my life there all have an inner focus. As long as I can remember I was never good enough for myself. I was never tall enough to reach what I wanted, never smart enough to get all A, and never cool enough to hang with the older kids. This is true for everyone to an extent; you are always the one that raises the bar impossibly high. But as for my case it is all harder, colder, and truer for me then for the majority of girls my age, because unlike them: I know that there’s something wrong with me